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My man’s been on a 4-week break in Europe, visiting his family & leaving me all alone in our big house.
It’s been AWESOME!
While part of me was thinking…
… But you’ll be all alone!
… Wouldn’t it be great to go to Europe?
Another part of me knew this time apart was just what our relationship needed.
Now, not many of us will have 4-full-weeks up our sleeve right now to luxuriate in the making of a more embodied relationship. I get that.
But from the lessons I’ve been learning during this break, I’ve been reminded of 3 essential embodied relationship habits I will be dialing up IMMEDIETALY on his return.
These 3 habits are essential for an embodied relationship.
Let me share them with you here in case they might serve your relationships (romantic or otherwise)…
#1 Name your desires FIRST
One of the ugliest truth’s I’ve had to face is that I put the desires of those around me before myself – more often than not. And it makes me a resentful woman.
In these past few weeks I’ve been 110% in control of my time.
What time I wake up.
When I eat.
What time I go to sleep.
And it’s been intoxicatingly liberating.
So I had to ask – why does it feel so GOOD to just do what I want?
And the answer (sad to say) was:
Often I don’t get clear on what I want and DO.
Rather, I get clear on what other people want, and then fit my life/desires/plans in around them.
Sound familiar?
When we are not clear on what we want/need – it becomes impossible to do it.
Our desires quickly fall by the wayside. Forgotten. The distance and resentment build. Lost. Until we can’t even remember what we want.
Your day is your own.
And while – perhaps like me – there are other people/staff/team/ family/lovers/children to take care of, if you don’t know what you want FIRST, then it’s never going to make the to do list.
One of my current core desires is to have more FLOW in my working hours (read: less interruptions).
I desire…
Periods of uninterrupted alone time.
I want to flow and create and meditate and write some more.
How about you? What do you want?
#2 Set some loving fucking boundaries
Once we get clear on what we want it’s time to set some loving fucking boundaries.
If you don’t identify what you need to create success – there is zero chance of it happening in the real world.
My man and I both work from our home offices. (Side note: Think two people living together AND working in the same house – absolutely massive potential for KILLING polarity & magnetism. This is something we have to actively ‘work on’ to maintain our relationship).
Which means – if I’m desiring more work FLOW, I need to get clear on my formula for success.
So what boundaries are required for this desire to practically happen?
For me it’s clear…
- If my office door is closed – please don’t knock, or disturb, I’m writing
- I don’t want to be electronically disturbed – when I’m writing I turn my wifi off
- The list goes on…
These boundaries can seem selfish, like we are shutting the world out to make our lives perfect. They can also sometimes seem unrealistic –“as if that’s possible for me…”
If we don’t try, we will never win. These boundaries are loving, because they are creating a sacred perimeter around what you desire.
What could be more worthy OR worth trying than that?
#3 Communicate with Conviction
Other people WILL be involved in the successful creation of your boundaries and desires. So communicating the changes to them is essential!
There are two ways we can communicate this information to those that are impacted by it (in my case – my man).
Option 1: Set yourself up for failure
I’ve had this conversation. It doesn’t go down well.
You start telling the other person how unhappy you’ve been and what you need. You ask for their permission to make a change. You wait for the go-ahead.
I wouldn’t recommend this option.
Option 2: Lovingly communicate & bring them on board
This conversation goes down a treat. It starts the same… You start telling the other person how unhappy you’ve been and what you need.
Leading with vulnerability is KEY in loving communication.
But then instead of waiting for permission, you share with this MAGIC INGREDIENT…. Here is what’s in it for YOU.
Ask yourself: What will the other person get when I have this boundary in place and this desire met?
For my guy, I can tell you…
- I’m going to be a lot more excited when we speak (because I won’t be trying to work)
- The time we do spend together will be of greater quality
- I’ll be producing my work more effectively – thus working shorter hours
- I’ll be grateful
In short – he gets a happier lady, who’s excited to see him and rocking her biz.
Ah. Who wouldn’t want that?!
When it comes to men, in particular, they are BUILT to help a damsel in distress. Words like “help me” are absolute magic, because a man loves to be needed.
So show him how he can help you. This doesn’t make you dis-empowered – it makes you a team!
What makes you happy – makes your family, team/work and the world happy too.
Being an embodied woman impacts so much more than just YOU.
It impacts your lover, your children, the people you work with and your community as a whole.
But the change has to happen within first.
Whatever it is that you need – you are responsible for that desire.
No one else can give it to you.
So now I would love to hear from you… What sparked for you? And what relationship challenges are you facing right now?
Post me a comment below now – I read every single one.
