Transformation isn’t just about figuring out a new way to relate to yourself…
It also involves finding a new way of relating to those around you.
When I first began developing relationships & connections with other spiritual women I remember thinking…
They are all so much more insightful than me!
So much more intuitive.
I felt like the apprentice.
Not wanting to say the wrong thing.
Not wanting to let on that I really didn’t belong here.
And yet so drawn to know these women deeper.
So mesmerized by the magnetic resonance they embodied.
Eventually that apprentice phase passed.
Only to throw me into the next challenge….
I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.
As I cultivated my own insight & intuition, I began to find some really unstable, challenging and downright depressing parts of myself that I had no clue how to move through.
At times I felt like I was drowning.
And while there were people there to hold & support me….. When everything’s falling apart – constantly – can feel like you need the crutch of friendship & support 24/7.
It’s a lot to ask for.
You begin to feel like a burden.
What’s more, as empowered women shouldn’t we know how to move through this?
Shouldn’t we just be self-responsible and use our tools?
We’ve all experienced those moments where we felt like a burden, unsure where to turn for support, unsure if we can ask for help…
Eventually this phase also passed.
Where the instability felt – more stable.
Where I was able to trust the wild ebbs & flows of my feelings. And my inner skillset was sure enough to hold me through anything [thank the goddess].
But on the other side of that transformation.
When I had really arrived in MYSELF.
I found that the wisdom I had personally cultivated, was already everywhere.
With every life coach and modern priestess sharing the same message of ‘I am enough’ and ‘self-love’.
The challenge of seeing my own personal wisdom – won through the tears and years of commitment to self – already out in the world again challenged to my ability to connect with those around me.
I started to withdraw.
Not wanting to be influenced by anyone else.
Feeling triggered by the same women I wanted to be in deep sistership with.
Perhaps fearful that I would find their way was better or more powerful than ‘mine’.
Dancing in and out of connection with women.
Again and again.
Repeating the same fears.
Of not enough.
Of being a burden.
Of wanting to own something for myself.
And honestly I’m not 100% on the other side, yet….
Recently I began to notice the texture of some jealousy arising within my being.
As I scrolled through social media, the burn of envy towards another woman rose up within me.
I was surprised.
She actually was a dear friend.
Yet I couldn’t deny this emotion was here.
So I began exploring, as embodied women do. I let myself feel all the textures of this jealousy. I let myself know in intimately. I surrendered to all its uncomfortable implications…
And I discovered that at its heart, was in fact loneliness.
Loneliness is something we ALL Feel at times.
It’s something we need to be talking about – so that we can feel empowered to navigate new ways of relating to those around us.
From where I stand it feels clear that…
- Far too many women feel alone on their journey
- Far too many women are stuck in isolation
- The old ways of individually walking this path are taking too long, when collectively we have access to such power
- Women (myself included) are awakening in droves, and the speed of our awakenings means we need access to more advanced, experts earlier so we can individually actualize
- Our planet & communities need whole, sensually empowered & abundant women (now more than ever)
For me it’s clear that the more I give, the more I serve, the more connections I foster.
Within myself, and within our community, I’ve been thinking hard about how I can give & serve even more deeply. And I’ve got a few exciting possibilities I’m looking forward to sharing with you in the coming weeks #staytuned.
But for the moment – I’d love to hear from you.
Which phase might you be experiencing right now….
Feeling like an apprentice?
The burn of jealousy?
Or something else?
Let me know in the comments section – I’d love to connect & get to know you more.
For those women who are interested in understanding how they can begin to practice the emotional embodiment I mentioned in this blog you can begin your journey with the Feminine Magnetism Map, a beautiful guide to the key ways your feminine energy works.