Note from the author: I’ve written this blog with a heterosexual relationship in mind. If you’re not hetero, or identify with another gender/relationship orientation, thanks for sticking with me. I hope this blog is still useful – you might just choose to substitute ‘man’ with ‘lover’ to get the most out of it – Jenna
I’m often asked….
Who does this work with men?
Who teaches ‘the embodied man?’
It’s a question I genuinely struggle to answer! Yet the need and desire for men who are emotionally empowered, sensitive and about to access their feminine side in an authentic way is (without a doubt needed).
So what’s a girl to do?
In this post we’re diving into the concept for embodiment for different sexes, and well as some amazing resources for your partner or man that I’ve personally tried out, tested and know work.
|If you are a woman who’s cultivated her own practice of embodiment and devotion to the sensitivity of this body, then you’re already realizing why this work is so valuable for every sex.|
But if you’re not sure exactly why a man should/would bother to cultivate his emotional bandwidth let’s examine what it’s like to live as a man in this modern world. Naturally we’re going to be describing general concepts that may not be true for every single man, but generally….
Our culture doesn’t have a lot of room for men’s emotions.
While women might be told we’re too much, too erratic or too emotional – at least we are having conversations about our emotions. For men, this dialogue isn’t often encouraged.
Our culture expects men to be successful according to one standard of success.
Yet if he finds himself lost, confused, unsure of his direction, there’s often a concept that this is a failure, and an inability to provide.
Yet without this space for emotional sensitivity, and purpose that feels fulfilling we end up in a relationship with people living in a tiny percentage of their potential. That’s not sexy.
So what’s required for a man to cultivate more emotional sensitivity, and access his feminine side in an empowering way? I believe there are 4 ingredients.
TIP #1- SAFETY IS YOUR GIFT
The first ingredient is safety.
While women might not always feel comfortable or appropriate discussing their deep feelings and fears with their friends… It is much more socially appropriate for women to talk about feelings than men.
Our culture keeps men silent, contained, dealing with everything on their own. One of my colleagues once described it as a concrete box that men are expected to live and work in. I’d agree. So how do we create a sense of safety?
Well this is where you come in lady, our first tip to find and cultivate an emotionally sensitive embodied man.
It’s one beautiful thing to get professional support or training involved, but the person with whom your man or partner finds most safety is you.
You’re his chosen best friend which means it’s actually YOU, the embodied woman on the other half of this relationship who is perhaps the safest space. This is a very beautiful role for you to hold in the relationship, it’s a gift.
TIP #2- YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ON A ‘SPIRITUAL PATH’ TO BE EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE
But what if you’re not in relationship?
Can any man be an embodied man?
Or do you have to choose a particular type of guy to find an embodied man?
I have to tell you, the idea that you should ask your partner what self development work and past life trauma he’s been working through on the first date is not very sexy to me. I’m not interested in a guy who can name all the chakras, wears mandala necklaces or reads Echarte Tolle. I mean if he does these things, sure, great. But it’s not my definition of an embodied man.
I’ve met incredibly embodied men who were carpenters, web designers and worked in advertising. And I’ve also met some incredibly disembodied and disconnected men who were on a “spiritual path”.
Embodiment is really just the skill of coming into contact with the deep currents of feeling, emotions, and energies in the body.
Through cultivating this sensitivity to ourselves, we have a lot more internal resources, much more of ourselves, to show up with and to make decisions in the world.
Tip number two is you don’t have to look uber spiritual to be able to do this.
What’s more important is embodiment isn’t theoretical. Spirituality isn’t about how many new age words you can fit into a sentence. It’s about what a person is holding, how they are being, how they are showing up. I’m interested in how fulfilled my man is within himself and how much of himself he knows and is willing to share with me. That’s my idea of sexy.
Thing is, most men are desperate to show up with more vulnerability, even if they don’t know it. And I believe as women it’s our beautiful responsibility to cultivate more feminine within ourselves, and bring it to our relationships, families, and communities in a lived way.
#3 – BE IT, DON’T PREACH IT
Vulnerability and sensitivity aren’t theoretic, but felt.
There is little benefit in trying to explain the theory of what someone should do, preaching how they should be, or how they should feel or think.
But there is a lot of benefit in going first, and leading the way.
So many well-meaning women try to put on their therapist hat to work with their men.
But your job in the relationship is not to be your man’s therapist, or preach to him. Your invitation is to be the living embodiment, the living demonstration, of an emotionally empowered way of being.
I asked my man and he said I could share this story to put this into perspective. My guy is a wonderful guy, he works in design and web, so not a typical spiritual guy by any means, but he has a habit of overcommitting, getting stressed out and feeling overwhelmed. Around this time he begins to wonder what he’s doing wrong in life. I see all this play out, and I really feel for him.
As a partner, and outsider, it’s often easier to see someone else’s challenges than it is to see your own. This is why partners are in such a valuable position of safety especially when they are willing to go first. When someone spills their heart to you, it instantly creates a space where it’s safe for you to do the same. This is such a gift, a gift of offering what’s really true inside our body, so our partner can be honest about what’s true for them.
Sometimes to support my guy enter that space of feeling and vulnerability I’ll also have to go first.
TIP #4 – DON’T TRY TO FIX HIM
So instead of lecturing my man about takiing on too much at one, which part of me wants to. I sit back into my role as a safe space for him to feel. I don’t try to fix him, or fix the situation.
The masculine pole inside us often wants to fix everything.
How often have you expressed an emotional vulnerability or sensitivity only for a partner or friend to jump in with a solution?
More often than not you didn’t want a solution! You just wanted a safe space to express and be heard. But in this world obsessed with moving forward we’ve all become fixers, instead of feelers.
Except, we can’t move forward into a new action, or a new way of seeing things until we’ve digested and completed the emotional stress and tension of this moment. My partner needs to process his stress and overwhelm, by feeling it fully, before he will be clear enough to make a new decision moving forward.
And when I hold this space of safety, as his partner, when I allow the vulnerability and practice to be experienced rather than theory and a lecture, when I’m willing to go first and try not to fix him, instead just feel him, we go deeper into intimacy together.
That’s what I want in relationship.
And as a woman who’s cultivating her own feminine embodiment, her own emotional empowerment, it’s my gift and my privilege to be this in my relationships and family.
When we speak about being the change that we want to see, and needing to prioritize ourselves first, it’s for exactly these reasons that we do it. So that we can bring what we have cultivated home to meet our lovers, our family, and our community.
So now I’d love to hear from you…
- Which tip are you putting into practice?
- Do you have a tip of your own to share or
- Are you facing a specific situation you’d like to share?
Let me know in the comments here on the blog, I’d love to hear from you.
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