Dull, flat, depleted, dry, exhausted, nothing left to give.
When you’ve lost the spark life’s just about getting on with it, getting things done.
There is no pleasure, no sense of plump, juicy joy.
We all go through seasons of losing the spark. But when these spark-less-season keep stretching on for days, weeks and months. When the dry and dull periods become so extended we can’t remember things being any other way. When the lack of pleasure extends so deeply it becomes our identity.
It can be hard to see the light and joy at the end of the tunnel.
Today, we’re talking about why we all experience these dull, flat and spark-less seasons and three tips to turn things around.
We’re sold this story that the point of life is to be happy. So when we’re not feeling happy, or joyful, we can begin to question well what’s wrong with me…
This story that we’ve been sold is a lie.
The point of life is not to be happy.
The point of life is to experience life.
To be saturated in its rich textures, its diverse experiences, its highs and its lows. To savor all of the layers of living – bright and dull, as part of the joy of living.
Living only for happiness is like living only for the sun, and saying the point of the earth is to shine bright and be in day. But what about the dark? What about the moon? What about the experiences that are not-sunshine, that are not happy?
Fact is there is nothing wrong with you if you’re feeling dull, depleted or dry. These sensations are not a “problem”, they are just part of the spectrum of sensation.
Just a few weeks ago I was feeling flat and dry. The feeling had been slowly sneaking in, over days and weeks it had been making my arms feel heavy, my shoulders weighed down. I’d noticed I was dressing with less care and didn’t have that sense of radiant-plump-spark alive in me.
Our identity is the story we tell ourselves of who we are. It’s nothing more than the habits and the patterns, the feelings and the stories that we build up over time. This dull, depleted, dry had been building up in me for longer than I realized, and it had begun to permeate deep into my body.
This truth telling is the first tip to turn things around.
1.Tell the truth & stop avoiding the dull
When we don’t acknowledge what we feel and just try to gloss things over and get on with it, we’re being dishonest with ourselves. Often the truth isn’t flattering. Feeling dull and dry isn’t the most exciting topic of conversation to have with yourself, or with another.
But it’s the truth.
And your dull, dry or depleted feelings are just as important and valuable as your happy, plump & pleasure filled one.
Once we’ve told ourselves the truth of these feelings, or any feelings for that matter, we can stop resisting them and start embodying them.
Your spark-less state isn’t going to go away by ignoring it.
As an authentic woman you know you can’t just overlay some fake-happy-confident-smile over the top and hope everything will be okay. Not only will that not work it will take even more energy, something you currently don’t have.
The embodied woman’s view is that the spark-less energy is here, and it needs to be embraced.
One of my favorite questions to ask my body, especially when there is an uncomfortable sensation or experience that I’d rather just “fix” or “ignore” is:
How can I love you more? How can I love this dull? How can I love this dry? How can I love this exhaustion? How can I embrace it, embody it, and allow it to be in my system?
This is a radical and deeply sincere act of self-love. When we can love and embrace the spark-less states, we re-integrate them into our whole.
This brings us to tip two.
2. What message does the dull have for you?
When we’ve been in our funk for days, weeks, months or longer – there is often some way of operating that is no longer congruent.
For me, in my recent dull and dry place – as I welcomed and embraced the feelings and I asked my body, what wisdom do you have for me, she answered:
You are working too hard. You don’t have to try so hard. It is done. You are here. Relax and allow.
Working hard is a pattern I’ve known in the past. And a pattern I’ve transformed. But it appeared we were at new edge. A new opportunity to do relax even further.
As women when we’ve lost our spark it’s often because we’re giving too much, overextending ourselves, hanging out too much in our masculine doing.
As a culture and a society, we vastly value productivity and getting shit done. I couldn’t even begin to count the number of clients who share with me the guilt and resistance and sense of failure they feel when they take time to rest, relax or simply do nothing.
Which brings us perfectly to tip number three.
3. Curate a Rest Day
Resting is not passing out on the couch at the end of a busy day, bone weary and just ready to tune out to your latest TV series. That’s not rest. That is decompression. It’s not a bad thing, decompressing and letting some chill-the-eff out time after a busy day is great.
But it’s not rest.
Truly embodied rest goes beyond decompression and into the nourishing work of deep care. I recently curated a half day of rest for myself. I began by turning off my alarm and sleeping in, and then I sat down to loosely “plan” my day.
I asked three key questions:
+ What did I want to BE?
+ What did I want to DO?
+ What did I want to HAVE?
The answers were diverse…
+ I want to be… on the beach for an hour in the sun, slow, juicy, complete a rest ritual
+ I want to do… a big bath with lots of oils and moisturizer after, create a small altar, take my vitamins, make my man a coffee
+ I want to have… a whole hour of movement practice, a green juice, a little poise of flowers
Yes, I had work I “should” be doing. I had wedding plans I should be making. I had friends I should be getting back to. I had a business and a team I should be managing.
We all have things we should be doing.
But is that more important than how we are feeling?
That’s a question I’d love you to answer over in the comments section. You can join the conversation at below, where you can leave a comment,
Fact is our communities and our world need more embodied women, women placing value on the way they feel – not only what they produce. If you’d like to be part of this ongoing conversation then make sure you pop your email in the signup box below and we’ll be sure to send you more juicy stuff just like this!