Perhaps the most popular phrase in the self-development space these days is
“I need to work on my mindset”.
Many of us live in a world that begins to program us with limiting beliefs & perceptions of ourselves (these are our mindsets) from a young age. #notnews
Simple little “truths” that speak to a deeply disturbed society….
Girls shouldn’t dress provocatively = Sensuality isn’t safe
Boys shouldn’t cry = Men can’t be vulnerable
Mindset work is aimed at changing these thoughts & beliefs to something more positive & affirming.
Most of the time it’s deluded thinking that’s setting you up for failure.
If you’ve ever wondered why mindset work isn’t working for you. Or if you feel like it’s not really the whole truth, then this blog is for you.
Let’s examine the 3 big problems with modern self-development mindset work & what we can do instead…
PROBLEM #1: LIKE DOESN’T CANCEL LIKE
In mindset work, it’s our thoughts that are the ‘problem’ that needs to be ‘fixed’.
So we try to get better thoughts, in the hope we can get a better life.
This is such limited, arrogant thinking
(“I think therefore I am”).
Because it assumes that it’s our MIND & our CONTROL of our thoughts is the solution.
Albert Einstein famously expressed:
“a problem cannot be solved
from the level that created it”.
How can we expect our mind to be both the problem & the solution?
Do we not have any other assets or resources of value (like a body) to draw on as humans?
We live in a hyper-masculine world that believes that our mental capacity is our most valuable gift. But it is not.
Our old thought has so much momentum behind it. It was days/years/lifetimes/generations of deeply worn neural pathways all reinforcing it’s right to be there. We’ve lived life successfully with this thought in mind, and so our body is literally wired to believe (at the level of our reptilian mind) that this thought is SAFE.
You can’t THINK that thought away.
“A problem cannot be solved from the level that created it”.
Something much, much deeper is needed.
PROBLEM #2: THOUGHTS ARE NOT ACTUALLY THE ISSUE
If we acknowledge that this mindset problem cannot be solved from the level that created it, then we need to re-evaluate whether our thoughts are actually the “problem”….
What are our thoughts?
Where do they come from?
And what are they trying to tell us?
Of the 4 dimensions, your body exists within (physical, mental, emotional, energetic) the mental dimension is the second most “tangible” for most people…
- We can all see & touch our physical body, so we trust it’s there.
- Many of us can easily experience our mental body, as thoughts, so even though it’s non-tangible, we trust it’s there.
- But what about the other two dimensions – emotions and energy body? How sensitive are you to these parts of your being?
Most individuals lack sensitive to the subtler dimension of our bodies – so we only hear the loudest most “gross” internal cues – our mental thoughts.
When we hear those undesirable loud thoughts & mindsets we try to change them by becoming STRONGER THINKERS.
But turning up more volume on your thoughts can/will exacerbate the issue.
The more awareness we give to our mental dimension, the less awareness is available to experience subtle nuances in our other dimensions, like our physical body, emotional body, and energy body.
Once upon a time behind my pharmacy-desk, I used to be so mentally focused on my work that I would tune out all other needs. Emotional needs, physical needs, energetic needs. It leads to me suffering recurring UTIs because I wasn’t hearing my bodies cues to drink more water & pee when needed.
Our mental capacity is STRONG and often being strengthened by modern mindset work – at the expense of the rest of our being.
What I’m suggesting here is that perhaps thoughts are not the problem, but rather the manifestation of an undesirable state that permeates through all dimensions of our being. Perhaps the issue is greater than just a “mindset”.
Any thought you have identified as undesirable (because it’s creating a feeling, action or decision you that’s undesirable) is stemming from a much deeper & more subtle place.
I would suggest all undesirable experiences step from a deep separation from your truth & from love.
I would also suggest that these undesirable experiences & separations do not make you broken. Or deficient. Or a failure. Rather they are simply an opportunity to confront the challenges of what it means to be human, and to learn to love through them.
Thoughts are simply the manifestation of this separation from love – through the mental body.
If we tune in with sensitivity to our other dimensions (physical, emotional, energetic) we will see the manifestations of these separations just as loudly.
Consider a mindset you’d like to change right now…
- Do you know how it feels & the sensations that accompany it?
- Do you know how your body moves or changes shape when it’s playing out?
- Can you sense how your energy & field?
This is all essential multi-dimensional data to gather because your thoughts are actually not the “problem” here, separation from love is.
PROBLEM #3 – CONTROL IS NOT THE ANSWER
Recently a yoga teacher told me “control your thoughts and you’ll control your emotions”.
She went on to say “we feel emotions as a result of the thoughts we are thinking”.
This is not true. And there are so many things wrong with this statement, I’ll highlight 2.
If we operate under this hypothesis – that we think therefore we are – then we must exert a HUGE amount of mental force and will power to control our thoughts, so we can control our body.
Not sure about you but that sounds like a recipe for being more uptight, hyper-vigilant & adrenally burnout than I’d like.
More control is not my solution.
Your emotions are not foot soldiers under the command of your thoughts.
Your body and her feelings are not submissive under the power of your brain.
When we are dogmatically told that we’re having uncomfortable emotions or are “too emotional” or “ ” (what woman hasn’t been told that!!) because we are UNDISCIPLINED in our thoughts – it further reinforces the suppressive feminine ideas that
+ Emotions are a weakness
+ Emotional chaos is undesirable
+ Your emotions make you broken
It’s utter BS because your emotions are your FEMININE FUEL. All gender identities contain a yin, feminine essence & its gift to us is feeling, flowing & emotional depth.
Is it possible that a more sustainable (less controlling) & more emotionally empowering (less shaming) way of approaching our undesirable thoughts & the deeper separation from love exists?
THE WAY FORWARD
I’ve given mindset work the finger.
It doesn’t work for me.
Some people get success with mindset work alone.
Maybe what you’re doing does work for you.
If it does rock on with your bad self. I wish you the best of luck.
But if you ARE more like me, and your mindset strategies are just creating a greater sense of failure, exhaustion through control, and you’re wondering if this new ideal you’d just LOVE to embody will ever truly land in your cells. Then we need to find a new way forward…
I believe the way forward is through:
Less control – more vulnerability
Less thinking – more feeling
Less masculine – more feminine
It starts with this:
Can you open your heart & deeply feel how this current dynamic & thought FEELS?
Letting your heart break open to experience the DEEP TRUTH of what’s really going on. Through feeling & experiencing all of your dimensions simultaneously.
This is EMBODIED mindset work.
Harnessing the gift of all of your dimensions & love to transfigure your being.
Doors are shortly opening for The Embodied Woman 3-month program. We spend a whole module exploring embodied thinking & it’s one of the most insightful experiences for those who desire deep, cellular reconfiguration of their mindsets. If you’d like to know more about when this program opens enter your details here.
As we wrap up today’s blog I’m super curious to hear your thoughts on this topic. What has this expression sparked for you & what opinions would you love to express? Let me know in the comments below and remember embodied mindset work starts with this prompt:
Can you open your heart & deeply feel how this current dynamic & thought FEELS?
We have to feel it to free it.
Our body knows the way.