Last time I shared I’ve been feeling dis-embodied lately. In reply I received so many beautiful emails, confessions and me-too’s (a deep thank you to every woman who wrote).
Dissociation and numbing can creep up on every human from time to time. It’s what we do about it that matters.
Personally, settling is never something I will never be complicit in.
Living life with the volume turned down is not an option for me.
Feeling life is happening at a distance – is not okay with me.
When these (very natural) periods happen I believe it’s important to be honest with yourself & then make a choice. A choice to get back into your body.
Sounds simple. It is. It’s the most natural & instinctual thing to do.
But how many of us are actually doing it?
We live in a society that:
+ It’s NOT okay with the uncomfortable
+ Shames sensitivity & tells us it’s something to “manage”
+ Calls women chaotic and “too much” when we ride the full range of our emotions
+ Believes that we have to lead from a place of productivity & pushing, rather than feeling & flowing
It’s a society that ENCOURAGES us to leave our body.
As I’ve been getting more fully back into my body, my flow & my pleasure (which is never far away) I’ve discovered there were 4 very good reasons I’d left my body….
1. The body is so fucking uncomfortable
Our body keeps the score. Pain, rage, hurt, fear, doubt, wonder, power, desire so big & bright it hurts to acknowledge, pleasure, sensuality, ferocity – all these feelings live in the body.
And they are often intense, and uncomfortable.
Who would want to feel & embrace that?
As I’ve re-entered my body I’ve discovered frustration in my jaw, the jitter of adrenaline in my blood, a sense of ‘forcing’ in my wrists and a deep deep sadness in my heart.
My head wants to label them all & understand why they are there. But when I stop feeling them in favour of analysing them, they stay stuck. Embracing the uncomfortable isn’t easy – but it IS necessary because it’s part of you.
Frustration isn’t fun. But when we ignore it it stay stuck. When we feel it it flows & completes.
Sadness isn’t nice. But when I shut it away, I shut a little part of myself away and label it “unacceptable” and “unwelcome”.
>>> Self Practice Question: What unacknowledged feeling or emotion are you ‘holding back’ or avoiding feeling fully?
2. The body doesn’t make it easy to understand
Right now I can’t tell you why I have sadness in my heart, or jitters of adrenaline in my blood.
To be clear – I’d love to fucking know. And sure I can make some very well educated guesses. But until I embrace this uncomfortable part of me, until I allow it, and embody it – I’ll never get to the true heart of it.
The feelings & sensations of our body are like a treasure map. We don’t get the reward until we make to the “end”.It’s only once we fully EMBRACE & EMBODY what’s alive inside us that the wisdom in it’s heart becomes apparent.
This morning I moved my body using the Primal Feminine Flow Embodied Movement Practice. It’s a feeling practice that bought me into the sadness, and that helped me to know it a little better so that I can, with time, learn from the body why it’s there (instead of figuring it out using my head).
>>> Self Practice Question: Where are you analysing what’s going on inside you, rather than embracing & embodying what’s going on inside you sincerely?
3. Surely someone else knows best
When we are unable or unwilling to dive into our own experiences & find the wisdom at the heart of what we’re feeling… we naturally turn to others to tell us what’s going on.
We think…. Surely someone else can diagnose/fix/treat/explain this?!?
Looking for someone to give me the answers, wishing someone would just ‘tell me what to do’. It’s this driver that sells so many self help books. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help (I think that’s actually really important as teachers open new doorways for us to explore)…
But no-one can FEEL YOUR BODY, but you. You’re the only one who lives here. You are the only person (on the face of this planet) who can occupy this temple.
Which means, while others can give you some beautiful practices, pointers or suggestions – ultimately only YOU will know what works best in YOUR body.
>>> Self Practice Question: Where are you looking for someone/something else outside you to be your salvation?
4. It’s more tangible to make a plan & focus on the future
Hands down, the most common reason we leave our body, is to make plans and focus on the future. In a society obsessed with productivity how could we not be concerned with the future.
Just this week I sat down with some biz friends for a mini-mastermind and a strong theme appeared – making plans & forcing the future VS letting the future flow.
It’s so safe and controllable when we MAKE PLANS for the future, bypassing what’s right here/now in favour of a logical plan that our head feels safe with.
The future is so sexy because – when we’re in ‘future mode’ we don’t have to feel.
Feeling and experiencing the body can only happen in this present moment.
We can’t FEEL our past (unless we are feeling the residual unintegrated tension of the past) and we cannot feel the future. All we can experience, somatically, is RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT.
As a business woman & leader I know (from LOTS of personal experience) that when I plan my business from being disembodied & focused on the future, it lacks depth and success is HARDER.
>>>> Self Practice Question: Where are you forcing the future to unfold a certain way, rather than letting it flow?
The result of leaving the body
As women, when we leave the body our life force energy rises from our hips, ascends into our heads & shoulders and becomes stuck there (hello headaches & tight shoulders).
This is a great orientation for being in our head & moving forward in the world – an orientation we all need at times.
But it’s a dry orientation if we want to feel life fully, deeply, richly. It’s a dry orientation to bring to our lovers, our family, our personal time, our contribution to the planet.
Worse still – when this “up & out” disembodied energy flow begins to become a HABIT, we find ourselves automatically leaving the body for days, weeks, years, months (perhaps even lifetimes) at a time.
If, like me, your cultivating or re-devoting to a new, embodied habit, then check out our Primal Feminine Flow at home practice. It’s keeping me sane & brining me back to the juicy fullness and flow that I know I truly am (that ALL HUMANS truly are).
And if you’re interested in bring these principles of embodiment & feminine leadership into your work I’m about to announce a small, intimate 6mth Feminine Leadership Mastermind. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’d like more details.
Let’s not settle any longer.