There was a time I thought the harder I worked, the more I could achieve.
Like many in our western culture, I prioritized productivity over everything else.
My body never liked it this way of operating. Tension in my shoulders, grinding teeth, tight jaw – all the symptoms of internal disharmony were present.
There is a lie we’re all sold, it’s called the myth of meritocracy.
Meritocracy is the belief that power and opportunities are gained because of merit.
By extension of this (collective) belief, many of us were raised to adopt the (non-conscious) story that hard work = success.
So if you haven’t yet been successful = you haven’t worked hard enough.
But is this actually true?
I would suggest that hard work is important, but it is not a guarantee of success for 2 key reasons:
1. Depending on who we are, the identities we hold, the privilege we did (or didn’t grow up) with and the uniqueness we are – every human being has different opportunities to succeed. This world doesn’t create us all equal, so how can our ‘hard work’ create equal outcomes?
2. Hard work is the masculine/doing/yang aspect of our nature. But it’s only half of who we are. We are also feminine/feeling/yin and THIS aspect of us isn’t at all linear, logical & has nothing to do with working hard.
So if hard work is not the (only) answer – what is?
Just this week two recent clients contacted me to share some of their success. One had just had her highest month every in her coaching business, the other had enrolled 3 new coaching clients in one week. In our eyes – epic success.
I asked them what the secret was…
They both gave the same answer – magnetism.
Specifically, cultivating a practice of magnetism & drawing their desires (clients) towards them in non-linear (feminine) ways.
Magnetism is a practice – a mode of operating – that I’ve consciously invoked into my life in so many ways. From drawing in clients, opportunities, new homes to live in, business partners, money, even friends.
I believe magnetism is the 50%-yin to the working-hard-50%-yang that our modern formulas for success are missing.
The problem with magnetism is that no-one is shown how to use it! So let me break down the 4 key steps.
STEP ONE: Root your Worth
If we are to believe the myth of meritocracy then our lack of success (our failure) has been caused by lack of merit. Put another way – we didn’t deserve it.
When what we desire to call in doesn’t arrive it’s very easy to tell believe it’s because…
- It’s not destined for me
- I’m not worth it
- I can’t have that
- Or something along those lines
Yet magnetism DEMANDS that we believe we CAN have, and are WORTHY of receiving our desires.
If I don’t believe I’m worthy of new clients.
If I don’t believe I’m worthy of a beautiful lover.
If I don’t believe I can have more than anyone in my family ever has.
Then I don’t believe in me.
Feminine magnetism is rooted in our feeling fuel.
Put another way, it’s what we are holding within that determine our “success” in magnetism.
STEP TWO: Notice the relationship
Step two is to notice what is the relationship between you & your desire?
Questions you might consider:
- How do you feel about that desire?
- What do you sense when you feel into your desire?
- What thoughts come to mind?
- Imagining your desire, where is it? Is it close to you? Inside you? Far away?
As we begin to notice our current relationship, or orientation, towards our desire we begin to somatically experience who we are currently being, and what we are currently holding.
Recently I was working with a client on drawing in new friendships. Following a divorce, this amazing woman was ready to meet new people & form a new like-minded-and-hearted community. We tuned into her current relationship with this desire. She noticed her desire was behind her, and it felt faaaaaaarrrr away. It felt unobtainable, distant, remote.
Becoming aware of the orientation we are holding – whether it’s one of attracting, or repelling – is a valuable insight into the deeper dynamic of what’s really going on.
STEP THREE: Tell the Truth
As we complete step two, and orientate to our desire, we’ll begin to, very naturally notice, what’s standing in your way?
What’s preventing that desire being here, right now?
Fact is that if your desire is NOT here, it’s because there is something preventing it landing in your life right now. Getting really truthful about the feelings, thoughts, sensations and doubts that might be present inside your body is key if we’re to make room for this desire to land.
In January 2019 I’m hosting a 6mth Feminine Leadership Mastermind. The experience is now 75% full – but when I first announced it, and I tuned into my relationship to this experience and the truth that was living in my body there was a little niggle.
Some of my personal niggles that arose:
- Do you really have what it takes to do this?
- Will anyone even want you or what you have to offer?
Unless I’m willing to tell that truth that these thoughts/ideas are there (somewhere in my body) then I’ll never be free of them.
We can’t free what we won’t feel.
We have to tell the truth if we desire liberation.
As I acknowledged these doubts, they quickly moved on & revealed my deeper knowing – I’ve got this & I am so grateful and excited to intimately work with the women of this experience!
STEP FOUR: Embody your Desire
By the time we’ve reached step four all the ‘work is done’. Step four is about letting your desire land, in your body, in preparation for it becoming manifest in the world.
I like to call this step dancing your desires, because so often by this stage you are so pumped on the free-flowing, positive life force alive inside of you shouting YES I CAN HAVE THIS that you’re utterly free to celebrate its actualization (even though it’s not quite here yet).
Naturally wobbles can arise when you’re testing this process out for the first few times…
- We can doubt if this will work
- Our habits of working hard kick in and take over for a day/week/month/year
- We have trouble maintaining the stamina of our trust
This is all normal.
But what’s key is we consistently keep coming back to our steps.
1. Knowing you’re worthy
2. Feeling into your relationship with the desire
3. Telling the truth about what’s standing in your way
4. Feeling the desire and letting it be alive inside you right now
Magnetism is one of the key qualities of feminine leaders. It’s one of the foundation practices we’ll be using in the Feminine Leadership Mastermind I’m hosting in 2019.
If you’re interested in finding out more about leading your work & biz a feminine way make sure you find out my by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org