Sensuality doesn’t come in one size: When comparison shuts down our pleasure supply

June 8, 2018

1 Comment

One of my biggest shifts in identity, in recent years, has been catching up with the fact that
I am a sensual woman.

We contract so many ideas and generalizations about what pleasure & sensuality is.
… The culture that raised us tells one story
… Media and advertising tell us another
… The women & teachers around us paint yet another picture of what it means

For a long time I believed my orgasms were “not quite there yet”
I thought that“my pleasure was less than most women’s”
There was a fear that “I wasn’t as sensual as I could/should be”

All these stories, worries & fears made me THINK my pleasure was less than it actually was.

I’ll admit I compared my orgasm stories to others and felt I was so much less.

I looked at the pleasure others were describing and felt lack.
I saw all that was possible and it made my pleasure feel small.

The MIND tells us so many stories about what we are.
And how we are not enough.

One of the BIGGEST lies the mind tells us that we are not sensuality.
That we are not pleasure.

But my identity around this has been shifting.
Because my BODY keeps telling me different story.

I wholeheartedly believe that pleasure is a woman’s birthright.
Meaning pleasure is not something we do – rather it’s something we are.

Which means my sensuality won’t look like the next woman’s sensuality.

My flavor might be spicy and hot.
While she is cool and soft.

My pleasure might be strongest through taste.
While hers is all about touch and texture.

My orgasm might be a heart-cracking tender breaking.
While her’s is a screaming peak.

Sensuality doesn’t come in one size, one sound, one type of experience.

Sensuality is custom-made, unique to your experience.

Yet when our mind is too quick to compare MY pleasure with HER pleasure (including & especially comparing with empowered teachers in the personal development space) we close the door ON pleasure.

We don’t let what is available, here and now, in.

As my most true & sincere identity continues to shift, I find myself opening the door to sensual aliveness more and more. Finding it in ways that are true & authentic to ME – and that looks totally different to the ways my peers, friends & clients find it.

This is the trick for sincere sensuality – it’s cultivated from the inside out.

When we’re ready to let go of the stories of “not enough” and cultivate our sensual bandwidth in our own unique way – we let our body lead us into the sensual aliveness that every woman inherently IS.

My experience has shown that sensuality is a spectrum.

Most of us are living in this tiny, small, narrow section of our bandwidth:

Sensuality Spectrum 20%


So how do we drop the comparison, and find our way into genuine pleasure & sensual aliveness?

Experience has shown we can only open up & high as wide as we are deep & dark. Put another way, you will let in as much pleasure as you are willing to allow pain. You will merge with as much sensual aliveness as you embrace your dark and raw edges.
Sensitivity Specturm 100%This weekend I’m hosting a free live 60min online workshop for women ready to cultivate and widen their own sensitivity spectrum. We’ll be exploring how to navigate our own internal world, to cultivate and deepen our own sincere pleasure.

Cultivate Your Sensual Spectrum:
Sydney:19 June 9am | London: 19 June 12am | LA: 18 June 4pm | NY: 18 June 7pm

TEW-WEB2-Sensual Spectrum SliderYou can join us here:


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