I was sitting on my yoga mat, trying to be all zen.
But all I could think was…
It’s not enough. It should be better. I should be better. More ambitious, more savvy. I have to be more.
I’d just finished speaking with a friend, a woman on a similar path to me. She was kicking goals left, right + center. Taking big leaps in her business, her confidence within herself.
Yet as I celebrated with her, and held her up, in all the beauty that she deserves (and she deserves so much fu*king beauty for the record)…
Quietly a part of me began to compare…
Why didn’t I think of that?
Should I do it that way?
Why doesn’t it come together for me like this?
Am I enough?
I continued to sit there, on my yoga mat, trying to be all zen.
But I just couldn’t shake it.
The age-old memory of inadequacy was infiltrating my being. Permeating my cells and infusing me with doubt.
The pain that accompanied was crippling. My heart was sad. The exhaustion that arrived was overwhelming. My heart constricted. I wanted to retreat, to shut down + curl into a ball. Actually I didn’t just want to, I did curl into a ball.
Despite all that I do.
It arises.
Again and again.
Inadequate.
Not enough.
Not enough.
Not enough.
Rewind one week + I was on an all time high.
Complete freedom in a life designed on my terms, I was living my passions, writing every day, doing yoga + sipping coconut-Frappuccinos in a tropical paradise.
Everything was coming together.
And because my external environment reflected it to me…. It was easy to believe I was enough.
But our deepest truths aren’t exposed when life is running smoothly.
It’s not until our tender spots are triggered that we’re asked to examine the painful limits we place on ourselves.
And while it hurts – being triggered is, in fact, such a huge blessing.
We are triggered when our soul realizes we are ready to evolve.
The next challenge is placed, and we have the option…
- To step up to the plate + make a quantum leap in our potential.
- Or to shrink away, and repeat the same obstacles again, biding our time + putting ourselves through the ringer.
For me, despite all my “spiritual mastery”, qualifications + leadership runs on the board…
I found myself back in the trenches.
(Where any good leader should be)
Where the ego of comparison was triggering the hell out of me.
Challenging my worth.
Comparing myself to you.
What you have versus what I want.
Stretching my Ego.
When I compare myself with you, when I tally your achievements against mine, I judge.
I judge you. I judge myself.
And even in highly conscious circles, the judgement of spiritual-comparison still gets us.
I wish I were as intuitive as her.
She is more soulful than me.
How can I bring the level of depth that she does?
A spiritual beat up to confuse even the most aware of us.
All of it brings us back to our inadequate fears of being not-enough.
Inadequacy immobilizes us. It holds us firm in its clutches.
Our only means of escape are to:
- Cover it up and pretend it doesn’t exist or
- Face it head on and ask it to move aside
I went for Option 2.
Because the real truth didn’t have anything to do with how spiritual or successful I was as a woman.
The deep truth was that… if I could love myself as an inadequate woman, I would be enough.
If I could sit with my unworthiness, and invite it into my heart.
If I could surrender to the unconformable experience of telling myself I was unworthy.
If I could be vulnerable.
And feel my unworthiness.
And embody my unworthiness.
And still love myself.
Then I would be enough.
When we reject ourselves – any part of ourselves – we hurt ourselves further.
When we shut away any part of us, and close our heart, we re-injure ourselves.
I was being called to remember that loving all my colours, all my emotions, all the shades of my human experience was where my beauty, my worth + my confidence as a woman flows from.
When I can love my inadequacy, and tell it that everything is going to be okay. I move out of my Ego, and into Soul.
The Soul energy that moves through me.
That inspires me.
That illuminates me.
The Soul of who I am.
She is enough.
Because She is beyond ego.
She is beyond comparison.
She is the highest potential of me.
And when I embrace ALL of me,
I move out of inadequate Ego, and into divine Soul.
It is a fact that I am re-learning.
Over and over and over again.
In deeper and bolder and bigger ways.
It is a truth that I am embodying.
Again and again.
I am here. In all my colours. I am worthy. Just as you are, woman.
If we believed we were enough… If we believed we had unique + worthy gifts… If we believed we were beautiful – in all the ways that matter…
Would we hold back from giving ourselves to the world full?
Would we play small?
Would we hide?
Would we contain ourselves to a life of average?
When we embody our enough-ness we are liberated.
I’m so turned on by women who are committed to owning + embodying their potential. Allowing their lives to be the purpose they are seeking for. And living with passion + freedom from that place.
If you are called to embody your potential, join us over at The Embodied Woman Facebook Group where we are reclaiming our sensual power, embodying our enoughness + supporting a sistership of women reclaiming their power.
I’d love you to join us here.
