“I’m not feminine enough.”
“I’m too masculine.”
I see these words online all the time. I hear them regularly. I’ve said them myself.
But what do they mean????
The typical idea that comes to mind when we think of masculine/feminine is this:
But nothing could be further from the truth!!
This stereotypical ideal of what the feminine/masculine energies are is so far removed from what they truly are, that often the use of these terms does more harm than good.
Every person, irrespective of their identified-gender, sexual-orientation, or anatomy between their legs, has both masculine and feminine within them.
We are all 50:50.
We can think of the masculine and feminine as two extreme poles, or opposites, that we, as humans, dance between.
Sometimes we are:
- Getting shit done
- Being uber productive
- Moving towards our goals
- Organising and planning
- Creating the freedom to simply BE
While other times we are:
- Pausing to soak up the beauty of life
- Feeling our emotions/feelings fully
- A little wild & chaotic
- Staying still, rather than moving forward
The masculine-go pole is concerned with moving towards freedom & goals.
The feminine-feeling pole is concerned with deepening love of life & flowing with life.
They are very different energies.
We all use them, day in day out.
But we don’t live in a 50:50 world.
We live in a world that values the masculine pole.
Doing, hustling, goal-orientated, obsession with freedom. A world where you are celebrated by working hard, and feel guilty when you rest.
So what are these energies?
The masculine/feminine energies are two poles of duality – two opposites on a spectrum. Just like day and night, yin and yang, love and hate, they represent the extreme ends of our nature.
But these energies are not cut and dry, they are not either/or.
Inside every moment of masculine, is still feminine. And inside every moment of feminine is still masculine. Like when the day turns to dusk and the sun is low in the sky, but the starts are starting to come out. A fluid middle transition.
If you identify as a man, you might naturally have a more feminine OR masculine OR neutral essence.
If you identify as a woman, you might naturally have a more feminine OR masculine OR neutral essence.
If you identify as gender-fluid, you might still naturally have a more feminine OR masculine OR neutral essence.
The trick with these energies is that when we use them DOGMATICALLY we lose the power of them.
]When the feminine becomes:
- Only for women or
- Flower crowns and soft pastel skirts
We lose its true essence.
When the masculine becomes:
- Only for men or
- Lifting heavy objects & roaring with a bare chest
We lose its true meaning.
Speaking as a woman who’s grown up in a masculine-orientated-world, I know that my feminine side was sorely under-developed, under-appreciated (by me, and by others) and under-cultivated.
And this left me feeling dry, exhausted & tired.
I was so worn out by the constant hustle.
Trying to do more/be more.
Always looking for the next (often corporate) ladder to climb & the next way to be busy.
Because the only value I knew was PRODUCTIVITY.
This is no way to live, and it’s not sustainable.
It is perhaps true that I wasn’t “feminine enough” – but not because there was an inherent flaw or problem with me. Rather because feeling, flowing & embracing the loving end of the spectrum wasn’t something I’d been show or encouraged to embrace.
The feminine was a skill I needed to remember & cultivate.
I believe it’s a skill this WORLD needs to remember.
We are raping our environment. Obsessed with more freedom and production.
Always going-going. Over-doing.
And it’s not sustainable.
All masculine with no feminine is not balanced.
So how can I work with the masculine/feminine dynamic in an authentic way?
Cultivating your feminine begins with identifying where you are in your masculine-overdrive. AND also being aware that it’s not “wrong” if you are in a habit of using more masculine skills than feminine ones. It’s incredibly normal.
Some signs you might feel in a masculine-overdrive include:
- Exhaustion from always doing, doing, doing
- Striving for a goal without feeling emotionally connected to the goal
- Really good at creating structure/plans/order/to-do lists, without feeling much
- Feeling numb to your emotions
- Feeling confused about who you are or what you really want
If you identify with any of these signs, irrespective of your sex/orientation, it’s possibly a sign that your feminine side is under cultivated.
Some tips for you to cultivate more feminine-skills in your body might include:
- Creating more room for beauty around you, your office, your space that engages the bodies senses (smells, textures/touch and sounds are particularly powerful ways to bring in the feminine which is about feeling)
- Asking yourself what is the feeling that’s driving your action or decisions? Get clear on the emotional energy behind your ‘doing’
- Slow the fu*k down by saying NO unless you absolutely mean YES
- Plan a day in the coming two weeks where there is nothing on your agenda, and you are free to wake up and FLOW through the entire day by asking yourself this question “What would my body have me do next?”
- Give yourself permission to really feel how you are feeling right now. How does your body feel? What stress is your body holding? Feel that. That’s your feminine energy right there.
Even if you just do 1 of these activities, it’s a delicious start.
And if you’d like to take things further I’d really encourage you to download our Drop In Process, it’s a short and free 10min guided process into the body that will connect you with your feminine nature more fully.
The link to download the audio is: http://theembodiedwoman.com/dropin/
So now I’d love to hear from you. What’s your experience of your masculine and feminine sides. Do you use more masculine-go energy in your day to day life, or more feminine-feeling? I’m curious to know! Let me know in the comments section – I’d love to hear from you!
Thanks so much for joining us.